


Come On, Bruh

by penscritch



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, mild spoilers for Act II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 20:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5980024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penscritch/pseuds/penscritch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke vs. Arishok, take two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come On, Bruh

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](http://lingering-nomad.tumblr.com/post/139141063476/shadowmeres-au-in-which-the-arishok-is-the-one) prompt on Tumblr.

“I can’t watch this,” muttered Varric, shaking his head. “It’s a slaughter, that’s what it is.”

Aveline looked on grimly, her fingers tight on the hilt of her sword. “It is our duty to see this through, whatever end there is.”

Isabela scoffed. “Duty? What duty? Other than our sad choice in friends.” She held Merrill closer and cooed, “No darling, you don’t want to see this. Trust me.”

“But surely it’s not as bad as that?” mumbled Merrill, from where she was almost suffocated by Isabela’s chest. “Why can’t I turn around?”

“You’ll be mentally scarred, that’s why,” said Anders.

They all looked to the battle. Hawke was running around with evil glee, twirling his polearm-lookalike staff and shooting ice spells across the space at the Arishok. Qunari were large, burly, and second only to the darkspawn in inspiring terror. Even Templars gave a second thought as to the wisdom of confronting one. Yet here was the Arishok, militant commander supreme and ‘body’ of the Qunari nation, running around in confused little figure eights when he wasn’t being attacked by a measly human man.

“Stand your ground and fight me!” yelled Hawke, dragging the end of his staff in the ground before he swept it forward in a sheet of ice.

“That would be foolishness!” said the Arishok, futilely trying to free himself from the aptly-named Winter’s Grasp. He paled as Hawke advanced, grinning, summoning what looked like the mother of all fireballs into being.

“I’m not giving up until I hear that phrase. You know the one?”

“I surrender, I surrender!” yelped the Arishok.

Hawke rubbed his beard for a moment in thought.

“Nah,” he decided.

The Arishok’s screams echoed around the throne room. Sebastian raised his hands in prayer and bowed his head. “May the Maker have mercy on this unfortunate soul,” he intoned.

Fenris pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.


End file.
